I woke up this morning to find a blind group email from a guy I went on AH date with two years ago. I could tell you the story (that’s another post), but all I will say is this is an excerpt from the farewell conversation:

Him: Look, I’m a lot older than you. What are you, 25?

Me: Um….24.

Him: Oh. Well, I’m 45.

Eeeeeek! I’ll admit, I thought of calling him back and saying, “You know, I agree there’s way too big of an age difference between us. However, my Mom is single, she’s 53, and cute. Want me to set you up?” Actually, my Mom is waaay out of this guy’s league. Seriously.

However, I digress.

So, I’ve been getting emails from this guy for about two years. At first, they were actually to me, somehow trying to start a conversation, saying he wanted to raise money for a candidate I was working for at the time. I’m not stupid, those were promptly deleted. Then, it started to move to blind email territory. In other towns, a blind group email might be used to announce major life events such as a new job, a new address, a recent engagement, baptisims, religious conversions, maybe even a party invite.

In this town, a blind email list, including girls you went on AH date with, automatically is used for, wait for it:

An invitiation to a political fundraiser.

It would be one thing if this was the first time I’d received something like this from him. But no, it’s been going on for two years. I remember the first fundraiser invite like it was yesterday. I was a finance assistant, making $30,000 a year (read: nothing) and he so graciously asked me to contribute $2,300 to Hillary’s presidential campaign. Now if I had $2,300 to spare, then and now, I can think of A LOT of things I’d rather do with it than give to a political campaign. I’ll just say it involves Saks and shoes. (Wait, I shouldn’t be saying that, I am a fundraiser – if you have $2,300 to spare, I suggest going here).

Anyway, text of the email is below. Look for my translations (although, it would be amazing if they were in the actual email. I’d totally give $2,300 to that.)

Friends [and girls I dated],
As many of you know [because I namedrop like it's hot all the time], I’m a member of the Obama/Biden National Finance Committee [read: I'm a big deal. Here's the thing, if you can raise the cash, and haven't committed any felonies, anyone can be on the Obama/Biden National Finance Committee. Trust me, this is not a selective group]. I’d really appreciate your [cough, should be you, I'm sorry, go on] looking at the two attachments which detail a small, high-priced dinner [big money big money] and a larger gathering at the Mayflower tonight, September 4th [for you cheapskates]. The Obama campaign has given me a few $500 slots for the 5:30pm cocktail reception [Again, I can cut you a deal because I'm kind of a big deal]. Let me know if you have an interest in being with the next Vice President of the United States [yes, I hang with future VPs all the time], whom many of us already know well [again, I'm a big deal. Joey B and I go waaaay back.] and are therefore very excited about his having been chosen [Oh my gosh, I'm also very excited and I've never even met him! Does that count?]. These are his first fundraising events in Washington since being nominated [and I know about them, and I'm being nice enough to invite you: see, big deal] so please come out and show your support at whichever level you decide. Make sure you see the caveats as to who can contribute [If you're a lobbyist, don't even think about it. Just wear a Scarlet L instead.]

By the way [oh this should be good], there are approximately 17 fundraising events in Washington [that I already know about. Did you know I'm on the National Finance Committee? Did I mention that?] in September at different price levels [for you cheapskates] with different surrogates [Ready for the Name Drop? Drum roll please.] (Senator Jim Webb, Susan Eisenhower, Senior Advisor Valerie Jarrett, Chairman/Governor Howard Dean, Richard Danzig, Bill Kennard, Susan Rice, Greg Craig, etc.) so, again, be in touch with me [especially if you're single] if you’re ready to contribute [Don't even bother me with your $25 internet contribution for the free bumper sticker] and would like other opportunites. We need to open more offices in the battleground states to get out the vote! [See, it's not just about money. This is about voting. Makes you feel warm and fuzzy, doesn't it?]

Thank you and please feel free to forward. [Oh, I can't wait!] (I’d appreciate your friends being in touch with me too so that you and I can both get credit.) [Especially if they are young, single women]

(Tivo the Redskins’ game and join us!) [See, I'm not a loser who just goes to political fundraisers. I like football.]